Get Out of My Head Read online

  Praise for Get Out of My Head

  “As a world-class distance swimmer turned successful entrepreneur, Andrew McConnell knows what it takes to keep your cool under pressure. As an author, he knows how to get you fired up about Stoic wisdom. Thanks to his engaging stories and practical advice, you won’t have any trouble getting out of your head and into this book.”

  —Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

  “Get Out of My Head offers an authentic solution for those struggling to cut through the din of overly busy modern lives and accomplish more.”

  —Dr. Bernice A. King, CEO of the Martin Luther King Jr. Center for Nonviolent Social Change

  “Get Out of My Head will help you overcome stress and let you feel in control of your mind. If you follow the ideas in this book, your life will become substantially better. A fantastic read that will make you more focused and productive—I highly recommend it.”

  —Chris Bailey, international bestselling author of Hyperfocus and The Productivity Project

  This book is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information about Stoicism and business. Neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services by publishing this book. If any such assistance is required, the services of a qualified financial professional should be sought. The author and publisher will not be responsible for any liability, loss, or risk incurred as a result of the use and application of any information contained in this book.

  Get Out of My Head copyright © 2022 by Andrew McConnell

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  Matt Holt Books is an imprint of BenBella Books, Inc.

  10440 N. Central Expressway

  Suite 800

  Dallas, TX 75231

  benbellabooks.com

  Send feedback to [email protected].

  BenBella and Matt Holt are federally registered trademarks.

  First E-Book Edition: June 2022

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2021057344

  ISBN 9781637740750 (trade cloth)

  ISBN 9781637740767 (electronic)

  Editing by Rachel Phares

  Copyediting by Jennifer Brett Greenstein

  Proofreading by Lisa Story and Cape Cod Compositors, Inc.

  Indexing by WordCo Indexing Services, Inc.

  Text design and composition by PerfecType, Nashville, TN

  Cover design by Brigid Pearson

  Special discounts for bulk sales are available. Please contact [email protected].

  To the Llama and my Sweet Pea. You inspire me every day to work to become the person you already believe me to be.

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  Introduction

  PART I: MIND RENTING AND OTHER PEOPLE

  Chapter 1: They’ll Never Buy the Cow If You Give Them the Milk for Free (Know Your Value)

  Chapter 2: Surveying Your Boundaries (Embrace Your Limits)

  Chapter 3: Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another? (The Gift of Criticism)

  PART II: MIND RENTING AND CIRCUMSTANCES AND EVENTS

  Chapter 4: When It Is the Best of Times, Get Ready for the Worst of Times (Prepare Ahead of Time)

  Chapter 5: A Crisis Is a Terrible Thing to Waste (Every Catastrophe Creates Opportunity)

  Chapter 6: Why Suffer More Than Once? (Limit the Downside)

  Chapter 7: A Lannister Always Pays His Debts (Be Grateful for All That Occurs)

  Chapter 8: Nonattachment to Results (Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome)

  PART III: MIND RENTING AND OURSELVES

  Chapter 9: Live Where You Are (Sow Your Own Seeds)

  Chapter 10: Live When You Are (Be Present)

  Chapter 11: Less Is Less, and Less Is Better (Appreciate What You Already Have)

  Chapter 12: Lower Your Bar (Avoid the Perfection Trap)

  Chapter 13: Action Isn’t Everything—It’s the Only Thing (Words Aren’t Enough)

  Conclusion

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Notes

  Additional Sources

  Index

  PROLOGUE

  On a brisk October day in 2009, David Cummings, an Atlanta software entrepreneur, made the fabled pilgrimage to the heart of Silicon Valley. In the tech world, Sand Hill Road is the Mount Olympus of venture investing, and the man David and his cofounder, Adam Blitzer, were there to meet was Zeus.

  David and Adam arrived at Bill Gurley’s office at the venture capital firm Benchmark with the hope of securing funding for their software company. Bill was an imposing figure, both as a titan in the VC world and by virtue of his sheer size: a former basketball player at the University of Florida, he stood six feet and nine inches tall. Bill stepped into the conference room and introduced himself to his guests, towering over the slender software entrepreneurs, their concave shoulders a product of countless hours spent in front of their computer screens. Once the awkward pleasantries were out of the way, the three men sat down around a mahogany table, as sturdy and imposing as Bill Gurley’s handshake.

  David had woken up that morning feeling good about the pitch; he knew he had a compelling story to tell. He was a serial entrepreneur with a number of revenue-generating companies under his belt. His latest venture, and the reason he and his business partner had come to Silicon Valley, was a software company called Pardot that was bringing in more than $1 million a year in revenue, having quadrupled in size over the past year alone. Even better, Pardot had managed this without raising a single dollar of outside money. But for all of his confidence upon entering the meeting, now that he was there, in the large conference room across from an imposing venture capitalist, David could not shake the nervousness that came with feeling like he did not belong. This was David’s state of mind as he dove into his presentation, hoping the trembling of his hands and voice was not apparent to Bill Gurley.

  When the pitch was finally over, David waited expectantly for Bill’s response, praying for the validation—and the investment—he had come all this way for. The venture capitalist remained silent, taking a sip from an espresso cup that looked like a child’s teacup in his enormous hands. David’s heart was racing and the sound of blood rushing in his ears was so loud that when Bill finally spoke, David had to read his lips to understand what he was saying.

  “Are y’all sure you want to raise money?” After a beat, Bill’s thick Texan drawl came through to David’s senses.

  The answer to Bill’s question seemed so obvious. Of course, David wanted funding. He was here, wasn’t he? David sat silently. His confusion must have registered, because Bill Gurley proceeded to break down the question with actual numbers. Unfolding a napkin on the table and grabbing a pen, Bill held court.

  He went on, “Pardot grew by four times last year and thinks it will grow another three times next year, and another three times the year after that. Now, Pardot can’t keep that up forever . . . so let’s assume it slows down to doubling the year after that, and then growing 50 percent the year after that. At Pardot’s current margin, and the multiples such a business is likely to attract, Pardot should be able to sell for $50 million. And if you do that without raising any outside money, you won’t have to share the proceeds with anyone.”

  The entrepreneurs nodded, not wanting to interrupt this master class in venture math. Bill continued, “On the other hand, let’s assume Pardot goes down the path of raising venture capital. Once Pardot is on that treadmill, it is almost impossible to get off. In ea
ch round of financing, Pardot will have to sell 20 to 30 percent of its business. Every round is geared toward getting Pardot to the next round faster, thus accelerating how soon it will again have to sell an additional chunk of itself. Yes, the eventual exit value of the company might be bigger, but the founders’ take is likely to be much lower. And you are going to start losing control of the company you founded the day you take that first outside money. Is that really what you want?”

  Bill’s question stupefied the entrepreneurs.

  This was not what David or his cofounder wanted at all: that much was now obvious, written in black ink on the white paper napkin in front of them. In a daze, the entrepreneurs thanked Bill for his time, surrendered their hands once more to be engulfed by his, and walked out of the office, leaving Bill Gurley, Benchmark, and Sand Hill Road in all their majesty behind them.

  The following week, back in Atlanta, David thought about the advice Bill Gurley had proffered. In an Excel spreadsheet, he modeled different scenarios of Pardot’s trajectory over the course of an afternoon; indeed, what took David hours of painstaking modeling to conclude, Bill had surmised in less than five minutes on that damn napkin!

  After that meeting, David realized that his mind, as well as his desires for himself and his company, had been hijacked by the tech press. He had seen the media celebrate companies that reported multimillion-dollar investments and ignore those that grew self-sufficiently, and had unconsciously allowed outside forces to set his goals for him and his company. Drinking the Kool-Aid, David had wrongly identified investment figures as the measure of success. Although he’d built his company based on entrepreneurial excitement and his belief in the value it could bring to customers, along the way he’d gotten lost in the need for a specific form of external validation—investment from a big West Coast venture capital firm. David’s meeting at Benchmark had recalibrated his professional priorities by helping him create mental boundaries and eliminate the outside noise.

  Almost two years to the day of his meeting with Bill Gurley, David woke up to learn that one of Pardot’s biggest competitors had just raised a whopping $50 million in venture capital. By tech industry standards, this was a huge success—and a crushing blow to Pardot. How could it possibly compete? What could its future be now that it had to contend with the comically deep pockets of its rival company?

  But this was not two years ago.

  David knew he had to address the threat with his team. And so, walking into the office, he called an all-hands-on-deck meeting. Remembering the lesson about internal versus external measures of success he’d taken to heart after his meeting at Benchmark, he explained that there were two ways he and his team could respond. They could give their minds to their competitor, making decisions only in reaction to what their rival was doing, or might do, or they could double down on themselves—on the competitive advantages their position now gave them.

  He could see the skeptical glances of Pardot’s employees darting around the room, as well as a few pockets of employees furtively whispering in the back. Undoubtedly, they were thinking that $50 million was a pretty big competitive advantage. David went on.

  Deep pockets can make a company inefficient. Pardot had already gleaned evidence of this, having competed head-to-head with this rival that, after all, had been venture-backed nearly the entire time. With venture investment dollars in its bank account, this competitor had been able to offer discounts that led to financial losses; add new features to its software that customers did not need, want, or understand; and throw bodies at problems, like client onboarding, rather than solve issues through automation and product innovation. Yes, Pardot’s now-even-more-well-funded adversary was going to be able to do even more with its new money, things that Pardot—funded by its customers, not West Coast venture capitalists—was simply unable to match. But rather than looking at this as a disadvantage, David explained how it played right into Pardot’s hands.

  Pardot had a competitive price and a “Southern nice” approach, in David’s words, whereby it always focused on being helpful, not pushy. This meant that Pardot had industry-leading customer retention, whereas its larger competitor had a reputation as “used car salespeople” and was known to be aggressive with discounts and pressure tactics. The Pardot team members had to lean into their own strengths; they could not allow themselves to get distracted by their competitor’s financial backing. They needed to stay focused on delivering features that clients not only needed but also valued and were willing to pay for. They could not allow themselves to get caught up in a rat race for venture capital investment.

  No, David would not allow this rival company to build a home in Pardot’s proverbial headspace. He would not throw Pardot onto the perpetual hamster wheel that was the pursuit of venture capital dollars. He instead implored his team members to act on the lesson he had learned from Bill Gurley two years prior—the power of setting mental boundaries, of dictating what they allowed to permeate their minds and how they chose to define success. This meant they would continue to do what they did best—providing their customers with an excellent, easy-to-use product and extraordinary service—without getting caught up in how their competitors were doing business.

  Ultimately, under David’s leadership, Pardot responded to the news of its rival’s funding by making its product even simpler and easier to use and by investing in a seamless, automated onboarding process that provided value to its clients and kept Pardot’s costs for customer acquisition far below that of its competitors. The result? In head-to-head sales, where Pardot and the other company went after the same client, Pardot won far more than it lost, shallower pockets notwithstanding.

  David’s story illustrates how common it is for us—even our brightest and most accomplished—to let people, events, circumstances, and even nonexistent versions of ourselves live rent-free in our minds, and to unconsciously use that external input as the default when it comes to making decisions for ourselves. It also demonstrates the power of doing the opposite: putting a real, meaningful value on our minds and proactively policing their borders, allowing us to set our own priorities based on what’s actually best for us.

  What David didn’t know at the time, but would come to understand, is that the practice of valuing and zealously guarding the mind has ancient roots. These concepts were first introduced around 300 BC with the genesis of Stoicism—an ancient school of philosophy that advocated a kind of mental discipline and detachment from external forces. Those who abided by these principles were known as Stoics. They included Zeno of Citium (Stoicism’s founder), Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and many more. Two millennia later, through several twists and turns and a headful of doubt, David had learned how to navigate his career like a Stoic. Leveraging this mindset, he would go on to take Pardot, as well as a number of other companies, to even greater heights, but more on that later.

  David is proof that no matter how accustomed you are to giving away your headspace, it’s still possible to take back ownership of your mind in order to achieve clarity, make good decisions, and rise in your career. Yet David is just one of many modern Stoics, applying ancient mental practices in today’s world of work. All of us have what is necessary to become a Stoic of our own work and lives. What it takes is an owner’s mindset and some good old ancient discipline.

  INTRODUCTION

  Like most first-time entrepreneurs, I had a vision of what starting my first company would be like: No one would be telling me what to do anymore—I’d be my own boss. It was going to mean complete freedom, including control over my time and workload, and I couldn’t wait.

  Like most first-time entrepreneurs, I was dead wrong.

  Sure, I no longer worked for someone else. Now I was working for what seemed like everyone else. When it feels like every single client can make or break your entire endeavor, the stress of keeping them happy far exceeds what some annoying boss in a corporate job may elicit.

  As my company grew (which is exactly what I wan
ted, right?), that freedom I thought I’d be gaining by working for myself seemed to become only more elusive. The larger my company got, the more people I had to be accountable to; rather than just being the errand boy of my clients, I now had to answer to my employees, my investors, our industry partners, and more. Instead of having one boss who “took away my freedom,” I had seemingly countless bosses doing so, and the number was only growing.

  To make matters worse, not only was the freedom I thought I would get in my working day by founding and running my own company a mirage, but I was also losing my nights and weekends to work. And it wasn’t just the crazy hours I worked. Even during the times when I was “off the clock,” I couldn’t stop thinking about the client who was unhappy, the employees who were not getting along with one another, the investor who was losing patience, or the prospective partner we were negotiating an agreement with who was asking for unrealistic terms. When I worked for someone else, work could more easily stay at work. Now that I supposedly worked for myself, I, or at least my mind, seemed to stay at work 24/7. Ironically, my time, my schedule, and my mind seemed to be out of my own control.

  Thankfully, that is not how I live my life now. Instead of living frantically beholden to the needs and desires of others at the expense of my own freedom and sanity, I set my own boundaries and priorities, and I’m much happier—and more successful—for it. What changed? I will let you in on a secret. It wasn’t my clients or my company’s partners. It wasn’t my employees. It wasn’t even my investors. It was me.

  My “aha” moment came because I was so entrenched in my work that I couldn’t think of anything else. My company, Rented, helps property owners and managers make the most of their vacation homes and investment properties in the short-term rental market. Just as our company had figured out how to successfully maximize the value of our clients’ most expensive or second-most-expensive assets, I finally realized that I could be making far more of my most valuable asset, and it was one I had completely neglected in my own life: my mind.